Horoscope – September 2019

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    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Don’t go out Friday, nothing good will come of it. Keep up your energy up by connecting with old pizza boxes.

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    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Stay out of the sun as much as possible and since you’re reading horoscopes you’re probably a woman so don’t walk down that dark alley alone.


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    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    This is your week to yell, “this is my week! ” to no one in particular. Beware of saturn returns as this can come back to bite you.


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    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Buy stock in any fruit based shares and keep your eye out for a bird in the bush (it may be worth 2 in the hand)


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    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Fortune cookie says ‘buy more fortune cookies’. Must be a sign. Stock up for winter.


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    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Crackling chocolate from Trader Joe’s will possibly change your life. Your lucky number is 12. (unless you have 12 children)


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    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Keep reading those motivational quotes, they’re about to finally pay off. Buy 3 lottery tickets


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    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    If you can’t see the wood for the tree’s, head to an optometrist.

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    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    There’s nothing queer about being an Aquarius and the guy that yells that at you every day is just jealous.

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    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will no doubt achieve all that is plastered on your vision board this month. Just meditate so some yoga, then keep an eye out for a unicorn. Your best color is brown.



This entry was posted on September 1, 2016 by in HOROSCOPES and tagged .
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