Don’t go out Friday, nothing good will come of it. Keep up your energy up by connecting with old pizza boxes.
Stay out of the sun as much as possible and since you’re reading horoscopes you’re probably a woman so don’t walk down that dark alley alone.
This is your week to yell, “this is my week! ” to no one in particular. Beware of saturn returns as this can come back to bite you.
Buy stock in any fruit based shares and keep your eye out for a bird in the bush (it may be worth 2 in the hand)
Fortune cookie says ‘buy more fortune cookies’. Must be a sign. Stock up for winter.
Crackling chocolate from Trader Joe’s will possibly change your life. Your lucky number is 12. (unless you have 12 children)
Keep reading those motivational quotes, they’re about to finally pay off. Buy 3 lottery tickets
If you can’t see the wood for the tree’s, head to an optometrist.
There’s nothing queer about being an Aquarius and the guy that yells that at you every day is just jealous.
You will no doubt achieve all that is plastered on your vision board this month. Just meditate so some yoga, then keep an eye out for a unicorn. Your best color is brown.